


I Don’t Wanna Be Your Second Choice

by Candles for Stars (Freekish)



Category: Dreamer Trilogy - Maggie Stiefvater, Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Getting Together, Infidelity, M/M, Mild Smut, Non-Explicit Sex, POV Alternating, Ronan POV, adam pov, infidelity is not between main pairing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-25
Updated: 2021-01-25
Packaged: 2021-03-17 12:33:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28974426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Freekish/pseuds/Candles%20for%20Stars
Summary: “I’d still like to be friends though.” There’s a hopeful tone to Adam’s voice. Like this is something he really wants. “Can we start over?”Agreeing to start over was probably a mistake on Ronan’s part.
Relationships: Adam Parrish/Original Female Character(s), Ronan Lynch/Adam Parrish
Comments: 12
Kudos: 138





	I Don’t Wanna Be Your Second Choice

**Author's Note:**

> This has been sitting in my drafts for well over a year. I'm setting it free.

There’s a knock at the door. Adam doesn’t have to guess who it is. Doesn’t need to look through the peep hole to confirm. He opens the door. Standing there is the mistake he’s been making for weeks. Adam holds the edge of the door in one hand and the door jamb in the other. They just stare in a beat of silence.

“This is the last time.” Ronan says.

Adam nods and lets Ronan come in.

\- Ronan - 

Ronan is not a casual dater. He really doesn’t date at all. Living in a college town he’s pretty much surrounded by the hook up culture. He’s approached at parties and bars by tipsy co-eds who try one-liners and stroke his often bare arms. They seem to have no trouble reading the disgust on his face.

His roommate, and best friend, Gansey, drags him to a lot of parties. Every time he promises _this one will be different_. Ronan doesn’t see a difference. A college party is a college party no matter if it’s on Greek Row or off-campus house party. So when Gansey makes that same promise again, Ronan doesn’t believe him.

Ronan meets Adam Parrish at this party. He spots him standing in the corner of the dining room watching a terrible game of beer pong. Adam’s face says he'd rather be anywhere but where he currently is. What a coincidence. Ronan would rather be somewhere else too.

For the first time in his semi-adult life Ronan starts an actual conversation. He learns Adam is a little hostile and judge-y before he even learns his name. Ronan thinks he makes Adam smile with one of his god awful jokes. Up close Adam’s face is devastating. When he hides it by sipping his red solo cup Ronan stares at his hands. _Well shit,_ he thinks. 

Turns out Gansey knows Adam. They have a study group together for one of Gansey’s elective classes. Adam follows Gansey to dinner one night after the nerd session. Despite not being a student, Ronan easily sneaks into the student cafeteria to meet up with Gansey. He’s stops when he sees Adam sitting across from him. Adam looks surprised when he sees Ronan pulling out the chair next to him. He doesn’t seem to mind that Ronan’s elbow keeps bumping his or that Ronan sits closer than he probably should. Adam looks at him whenever he talks. He smirks at his teasing. He cuts him down with cruel dry sarcasm that Ronan thinks might be his most attractive non-physical quality.

After Adam leaves Gansey gives him an odd look.

“What?”

“Nothing.”

Another college party. Ronan tells himself not to get his hopes up. But Adam is there, standing in yet another corner by himself. He holds a soda can in his hand. He’s probably the only sober one in the room. Ronan slinks up to him. Adam sees him approach when he’s a few feet away. He sips his drink to hide his smile. Ronan likes the idea that Adam is happy to see him. 

The evening slips away. Ronan is only aware of Adam looking at him, eyes dropping to his lips, lower to his neck, and back up. He gives him a shark-like smile when he catches him. Adam looks embarrassed to be caught, he makes an excuse to leave his corner. Ronan follows. 

They flirt in the kitchen. At least, that’s definitely what Ronan is doing. Ronan touches Adam’s lower back when he reaches for something on the table of snacks. Adam freezes up. Thinking he went too far, Ronan drops his hand. An apology sits on his tongue until he meets Adam’s gaze. A spark flies down Ronan’s spine. _Hunger_.

Adam leaves his drink at the table and takes the food out of Ronan’s hand before taking his wrist and leading him to a quiet hallway upstairs. 

By the time they’re in the dark Adam seems to have lost some confidence. Hands on his hips, Ronan guides Adam backwards, presses him against the wall. He teases, kisses under Adam’s ear, on his jawline. Ronan hears Adam’s sigh over the music swelling up from downstairs. Adam’s hands end up guiding Ronan’s mouth away from his neck and brings their lips crashing together. 

They don’t go further than just making out against the wall. Whenever things feel like they’re heating up Adam slows them down. Ronan kind of likes the build up. He likes how wild Adam’s eyes look when he pulls back. He likes how easily Adam sinks back into him. 

A very inebriated couple stumbles up the stairs into the hallway interrupting them. Ronan glares at the drunks while Adam hides his face in Ronan’s chest. 

With his chest heaving, “We should—,” Adam cuts himself off.

“Ok.”

The two of them go back downstairs. Adam acts like the past thirty minutes hasn’t happened. Ronan wonders if he’s still in the closet. Doesn’t matter. He won’t push Adam past where he’s comfortable.

After the night of the hallway make-out Ronan thinks something is starting. He likes Adam. Adam seems to like him back. Or at least think he’s attractive enough to flirt with and kiss. Ronan has a tendency to dive into the deep end pretty quickly. He understands that other people can’t do that. He’d understand if Adam couldn’t. 

They still haven’t exchanged numbers. Ronan could easily ask Gansey and he’d give it to him. But Ronan is ok for right now just floating around waiting for Adam to pop up.

He just wasn’t expecting how that was going to happen.

Gansey decides to volunteer at the intramural fair, specifically at the rowing booth. He begs Ronan to stop by. Ronan has to remind him he’s not a student. Gansey smiles so wide it looks like it hurts. He’s anxious. Ronan promises to stop by.

The quad is more crowded than Ronan expected. Supposes it’s a nice day, warm in the sun and cool in the shade. He also knows students will do anything to put off doing homework. 

There’s a giant bulletin board with the map of the fair on it. Ronan stops to scan for the most direct route to the rowing booth so he can get in and get out. He starts down one of three paths set before him. 

Students buzz around him, he carves his own path between groups, and tries to avoid the overly enthusiastic guy at the improv booth. It’s shortly after that when he spots a familiar silhouette.

Adam always looks different in bright light. He looks…approachable. Charming. The quick witted guy with cruel smirks hidden by drinks seems far away. But something else is different this time too. There’s a girl under his arm. Her arm is behind his back, hand on his waist. Ronan sees her laugh. She goes up on her tip toes to kiss the corner of Adam’s mouth. He smiles down at her.

Ronan feels like an ice bucket has been dumped over his head while simultaneously being sucker punched. His hands are shaking. He tastes acid in his mouth. He feels so fucking stupid.

He never does make it to Gansey’s booth.

_ Gansey: Ronan? _

_ Gansey: Are you still coming by? There’s an hour left to the fair. _

_ Gansey: ??? _

_ Ronan: It’s a bad day Gans _

_ Gansey: :( _

_ Gansey: I’ll bring home some take-out. Any preferences? _

_ Ronan: Anything that will clog my arteries the fastest. _

_ Gansey: You got it. Be home soon! _

They don’t discuss relationships. It’s one thing Ronan appreciates the most about Gansey. The only time relationships matter is when Gansey wants to introduce Ronan to whoever he’s seeing at the time. That means it’s getting serious. In a sense, Ronan is a litmus test. If they can pass the Ronan test, they can continue to see Gansey. No one has passed the Ronan test. Gansey never seems to resent him after his relationship fails. 

Because they don’t discuss these things, Ronan doesn’t tell him about Adam. So when Gansey wants to throw a party at their apartment and he finds out Adam is invited he has to act like everything is ok. 

Nothing is ok.

Adam shows up an hour after most of the crowd is there. Ronan hasn’t decided if he’s angry at Adam or himself. He dodges him for most of the night. Their apartment isn’t very big so it’s a little difficult to avoid him the whole time. Adam catches him eventually. Ronan downs his drink and won’t meet his eyes.

Adam asks, “You ok?”

“Peachy.”

Ronan pushes off the wall and disappears into the crowd. He sneaks into his bedroom and closes the door behind him. The fire escape is just outside his window. He contemplates how mad Gansey will be if he ditches. Ronan isn’t sure if he can handle having Adam in his apartment. Roof seems like a better option right now.

A whole month goes by. Gansey keeps inviting him to lunch with Adam. Ronan keeps making excuses not to go. It’s obvious Ronan is avoiding…something. Gansey doesn’t press it. 

_Adam_ does press it.

Ronan only answers the door because he thinks Gansey forgot his keys. It happens on occasions. He wasn’t expecting a pissed off Adam. 

“Oh, you _are_ alive.”

He surprises Ronan by stepping past him into the apartment, technically uninvited.

“What do you want, Parrish?”

“You’ve been avoiding me.”

“So?” Ronan doesn’t lie.

Adam looks like he wasn’t expecting that answer. He shrugs. “I’d like to know why. Know what I did.”

Ronan grinds his teeth. “You have a girlfriend.”

He watches guilt cloud Adam’s face. 

“How’d you find out?” He asks quietly.

“What does that matter? I would’ve liked to know that before I kissed you!”

Adam looks to the floor, picks at the skin around his fingernails. “I wasn’t sure how to bring it up.”

“Seems like a pretty fucking important thing to neglect to mention.”

“I’m sorry.”

Ronan hates the way Adam sounds when he apologizes. 

Silence.

“I’d still like to be friends though.” There’s a hopeful tone to Adam’s voice. Like this is something he really wants. “Can we start over?”

Agreeing to start over was probably a mistake on Ronan’s part. 

Actually, hanging out unsupervised was probably the mistake.

Movie nights are usually a safe activity for _just_ friends. If Ronan was smart enough he would have picked a more plot heavy movie instead of his usual explosion filled action flick.

Their fingers brushed every time they pass snacks back and forth. Ronan’s pretty sure he watches Adam’s hands more than the movie (granted he’d seen it many times). They left the lights off, TV is the only source of light. 

And Ronan can’t stop staring.

He knows every line in this movie but he doesn’t know what Adam looks like when the actors say his favorite lines. He doesn’t know what Adam looks like in the warm yellow-orange light of a car explosion. He does now though.

Adam catches him and stares back.

The last thing Ronan thinks is _fuck I’m an idiot._

He stretches across the small space between them and kisses Adam. God knows, he shouldn’t be doing this.

The hand on the back of his neck encourages him. The tongue in his mouth eggs him on. 

It’s wrong. It’s wrong. It’s wrong. 

It feels fucking amazing. 

Ronan pulls back only to swing his leg over Adam, straddling his lap. He frames Adam’s face between his hands and kisses him again. And again. And again. His fingers tangle in his hair. Adam moans into his mouth. Hands grip his shirt at the waist and then slither underneath. Ronan feels like he’s been set on fire from the inside out.

A croaking slam of a familiar car door makes Ronan stop.

He scrambles to stand, to put space between them. Adam stands to follow.

Ronan presses the back of his wrist against his mouth and stumbles over his words as he asks Adam to leave. It’s the last thing he wants. 

It’s impossible to miss the guilty look on Adam’s face as he bolts. No doubt he’ll be passing Gansey in the stairway.

Even with supervision they still manage to fuck up.

Adam invites Gansey over to do nerdy things like discuss classes and homework. He offers Ronan the same invitation.

Ronan spends most of that particular morning and early afternoon with Matthew. By the time he gets to Adam’s Gansey is already there. Ronan has never been more thankful.

The two of them talk most of the time. Correction. Gansey talks most of the time. Adam will make comments and nod at appropriate moments. Ronan just listens. He likes listening to Gansey go on his academic ramblings. They’re comforting. 

He hasn’t talked to Adam about their slip up. Doubts they will. The likelihood of it happening again is…probably high.

Ronan notices the glances Adam takes. Like he’s checking to make sure that Ronan is still there. Taking stock of his position in the room. He needs a break.

Adam has a small secluded galley kitchen. It makes Ronan feel claustrophobic. He opens the fridge and isn’t surprised when he finds it pretty bare. He grabs a water bottle and drinks half of it while still standing in front of the open fridge. Adam startles him when he pushes the door closed.

“You’re letting all the cold air out.”

Ronan grins, capping his bottle. “My bad, Parrish.”

He attempts to step around him to head back to the living room where Gansey is,sweet, safe Gansey, but fingers loosely catch his wrist. Ronan doesn’t pull away. 

Adam stares at his fingers around Ronan’s wrist and then clears his throat.

“Are you leaving with Gansey tonight?”

Having driven here separately, he could stay if he wanted to.

“I’m planning on it. Figured you’d be busy with someone else.”

Adam immediately lets go, like he’s been burned.

“Right.”

For half a second Ronan revels in the sick satisfaction of reminding Adam of his own infidelity. He thinks Adam notices.

Ronan follows Gansey out the door half hour later.

When Adam asked to start over they did exchange phone numbers. They text occasionally. Their conversations are brief and pretty mundane. A comment about how much rain they’ve been getting. Something funny Adam’s professor said. Something funny Ronan taught Chainsaw to say. Friend stuff.

Adam texts him when he can’t sleep. He says this is a new thing. Ronan’s pretty sure it’s Adam’s guilty conscience keeping him up not the stress of being an Ivy League college student.

They have deeper conversations at night, as one tends to do. There’s a comfort in admitting things in the dark behind the safety of a screen. Apparently they both had pretty shitty adolescence years. Adam hints that his life was shit before his teenage years too. He tells Ronan that he’s one of very few people who know about his past. Ronan takes it to mean that he knows something Adam’s girlfriend does not.

Adam calls him to invite him over. The fact that he calls instead of texts feels dirty but Ronan still agrees to go. A friend let him borrow the first season of a show Ronan had mentioned in one of their conversations. Adam wants to watch it with him. 

The tension inside Adam’s apartment is thick. It feels like he’s walking underwater. Ronan leads the way into the living room, Adam behind him a few feet. TV is on, dvd player menu is up and the disc icon is bouncing. Then faintly…

“Fuck it.”

Ronan turns at Adam’s voice and he collides into him. Adam kisses him fiercely, hands cradling his jaw, pressing their bodies together.

_Ah. Fuck it._

His hands go to Adam’s waist and pulls him impossibly closer. He’s guided backwards and lands heavily on the couch. Adam crawls over him and both adjust until they’re horizontal. There’s a mouth attached to his pulse, a tongue in the hollow of his throat. Ronan grunts and brings Adam’s face back up. The kisses are bruising, lips begin to go numb. When Ronan grips Adam’s hair tight between his fingers he tenses up before fully sinking on top of him. Ronan accepts the weight, adjusts his position again so Adam is between his thighs. Slowly, Adam rocks his body into Ronan’s; it triggers something primal. There’s more teeth than tongue. Ronan ends up pulling Adam’s hair at one point. The sound he makes is going to be locked inside a vault in his head forever. 

Their bodies come to a stuttering finish. Ronan swears as he tries to catch his breath. Adam apparently doesn’t need to breathe because his mouth is back on Ronan’s neck. His body is warm and pliant on top of him. Ronan’s hands are under Adam’s shirt, smoothing over the skin of his back. Adam makes a pleased noise in the crook of his shoulder. 

Ronan is so incredibly screwed.

Guilt, Ronan’s familiar friend, is quick to rush in. He pushes Adam away and clumsily walks out the door.

He can’t sleep. This is not new. His insomnia never needs a reason. Tonight it has selected guilt. 

It’s rare for Ronan to go to church on a day other than Sunday. He honestly can’t remember the last time he’s been to confession. Probably since high school. The holy water feels as thick as mud on his forehead when he blesses himself. He kneels in a pew and waits for the two people ahead of him. When he’s in the confessional he can’t get the words out. Ronan can only admit that he’s done a great sin, one the commandments list directly. The priest tells him he will be forgiven and to say three Hail Mary’s before he goes. 

Ronan says fifteen Hail Mary’s but it doesn’t make him feel any better.

He manages to avoid Adam for four days. He still shows up at Adam’s when he calls.

This time they make it all the way into Adam’s bedroom. Ronan lets Adam take off his shirt. Once they’re on the bed Ronan starts to lose his capability to breathe. Adam’s hands are on his bare skin. His sinful mouth is on his neck, shoulders, clavicle, his ribs…the sensitive skin below his navel. Ronan sucks in a breath so sharp it makes Adam stop and look up. He throws himself off the bed and backs himself into the wall, hunched over, gripping the back of his head with both hands.

“Ronan?”

His gaze snaps up to meet Adam’s. 

“I can’t,” he gasps. 

Adam drops his eyes. Ronan wonders if he only imagines the weight of the guilt he can see in his shoulders. He takes a second to look objectively where they are. Ronan’s in Adam’s bedroom. Adam is still sitting on his knees on the bed. The bed he’s probably shared with his girlfriend countless times. It makes Ronan’s stomach churn.

Without a word he leaves the room, picks his shirt up off the hallway floor, and leaves.

\- Adam -

If someone were to ask why Adam keeps doing it he’d say he doesn’t know.

That is a lie.

Adam met his girlfriend, Claire, a month after the semester started. They went on a few coffee dates. They studied in the library together a couple of times. Became official after two and a half weeks. 

Claire is attractive in a _cute_ way. It’s easy to smile when he looks at her. She’s low maintenance, doesn’t demand or require most of Adam’s time. He likes how easy it is to be with her while still being able to focus on school and other friends. She isn’t clingy. Adam likes that more than anything.

A little over three months of being official with Claire, he meets Ronan.

Adam wasn’t sure what to think of him in the beginning. There was a connection, sure. At first introspection Adam thought he just really wants to be Ronan’s friend. He enjoyed talking with him at the party. Ronan turned out to be just as mean and judge-y as he was. His smirk grew sharper the more cruel Adam was. He was extremely attractive. 

Not that that mattered. 

Adam has spent a good amount of his life observing people, so he picks up on things pretty quick. At the lunch with Gansey Ronan definitely flirts with him, though not so much with words. Small touches. General closeness. The curve in the corner of his mouth. And Adam can’t help it. It feels so easy to flirt back. 

The second party was…an elongated moment of weakness. Adam usually prides himself on his sense of control. He did not have it this night. Ronan seemed to know every button to push. Adam caught himself staring at his mouth, the tendril of ink on his neck. Ronan noticed too. 

Adam did remind himself, _I have a girlfriend._

Ronan followed him into the kitchen. _I have a girlfriend._

Ronan’s hand rests on the small of his back. _I have a—I mean it’s not…super serious._

By the time Adam was upstairs in the dark hallway with Ronan pressing him against a wall Adam had no thoughts. He’d never been kissed like that before. 

Panic doesn’t set in until the next morning. There’s already a good morning text from Claire waiting on his phone. He calls Blue. She’ll snap him out of this. Blue listens to his ramblings and manages to figure out the rest on her own. She’s known him too long not to be able to interpret his panic.

“Just evaluate what you really want. Be honest with yourself. Is one make-out with Ronan enough to change how you feel about Claire? Don’t answer! Just…think about it.”

Adam does think about it. The short answer is no. He still very much likes Claire. Kissing Ronan was electrifying but it was just a physical spark. Probably an anomaly. 

The hostility and cold shoulder at Gansey’s party was unexpected. The constant excuses Gansey feeds him for Ronan’s absence starts to get annoying. Ronan’s avoiding him. And despite the make-out weeks ago, Adam was under the impression they were at least becoming friends. So what happened?

Ronan found out about Claire, is what happened.

He doesn’t tell Adam _how_ he found out. Adam supposes that’s probably not even important. Ronan is rightfully angry. He’s definitely angry at Adam but it seems pointed inward too. Why would Ronan be mad at himself? He didn’t know. Adam never told him. And that’s…the problem. 

Adam hopes that an apology will be enough to keep being Ronan’s friend. It does nothing for the guilt kicking in. Ronan stays silent.

_Can we start over?_

Apparently it’s not that easy.

Ronan ends up in his lap. His tongue in his mouth. Hands under his clothes. Adam can feel the air around them crackle. He wants to get closer. Wants to crawl into Ronan’s skin. He wants…

He _wants_. 

It’s like getting a hit off a drug. Being with Ronan is addicting. The feeling of Ronan’s lips against his. The heat from his body. The ease in which Adam falls apart when Ronan touches him.

Adam _can’t stop_. 

He’ll finish eating lunch with Claire and he sends Ronan a text when he gets home. Sometimes just to talk. Sometimes to see if he’ll come over. He’ll kiss Claire goodbye at her doorstep and take note that he feels _nothing_. There’s no spark with her. He realizes there probably never was. Adam makes excuses to spend less time with her. Pulls away. She definitely notices but is too nice to confront him.

No matter what, someone gets hurt in this situation. Adam is hurting Claire. He’s hurting Ronan. And until he makes a decision, he’s hurting himself too.

Ronan hits the breaking point before he does. 

“This is the last time.”

Adam believes him.

He rushes to get his own shirt off and throws it blindly somewhere into the living room. Ronan watches it fall. Adam brings a hand to the back of his neck to get his attention. They kiss like they’re starving. Like this is truly the last time. Ronan briefly steps back and pulls his shirt off, lets it drop carelessly to the floor at their feet. He backs Adam into the wall and presses close, sweetly caresses his skin. Adam feels his heart already beginning to ache because he’ll never get this again. Ronan kisses him once before dipping to lift Adam up by his thighs. Adam grips his shoulders, kisses him slowly, deeply, in a way that’s starting to feel familiar. 

Ronan carries him to the couch, sits with Adam in his lap, fingers digging into the meat of his thighs. Adam’s heart is pounding.

“ _Please_.” 

Adam’s not truly sure what exactly he’s asking for but when Ronan’s hands meet at his button and zipper he sighs in relief.

His world shatters when Ronan touches him.

_This._ This is what he wants. It’s everything he wants.

Ronan touches him slowly, squeezes delicately. Adam shifts on his knees, tucks his face in Ronan’s neck, kisses the dark ink. He pushes closer with his hips and feels Ronan underneath him. Adam can’t control his breathing.

He shoos Ronan’s hands away so he can get at Ronan’s pants. He gets frustrated at his own body for getting in the way of pulling them lower. Adam runs a finger along the thick length under the cotton.

Ronan’s head tips back. “ _Fuck_.”

It was neither a whisper or a shout but still the volume surprises Adam. 

He decides not to tease and reaches under the elastic band. It’s overwhelming, being able to touch. Adam sighs shakily into Ronan’s exposed neck, and shifts closer again. Now he’s able to hold both of them in one hand. A few squeezes and then he finds a rhythm. Moves his hips in time with his hand. Ronan’s large hands slide up and down his thighs, his grip tightens when Adam plays with him. A hand in his hair pulls him back and Ronan kisses him until he’s dizzy. He kisses him until all he can do is gasp into his mouth. Adam feels the beginning to his end. His hand does not stop. The hand in his hair tightens its grip.

“ _Ronan_.”

Adam braces himself, an arm grips the back of the couch, hunches forward. He moans next to Ronan’s ear.

He feels Ronan shake against him. Hears the sound he holds back in his throat. 

Just like that and it’s over.

Adam tries to draw it out. He kisses Ronan’s ear and down his jawline. When he pulls back Ronan’s eyes are looking down at the mess between them. It hurts. He wants Ronan to look at him. 

They exchange no words. Adam climbs off and Ronan follows him to the bathroom. He hands Ronan a wet hand towel to clean up. He turns away when he does.

Back in the living room they both find their shirts on the floor. Adam has to search for his. Ronan walks directly over to where he dropped his shirt.

As Adam tugs his shirt back on Ronan breaks the silence. 

“I meant what I said.” He has to turn his shirt right-side out before he puts it back on. Adam watches. “This is the last time.”

Their eyes finally meet. 

“I know.”

The floors creak beneath Ronan’s boots. 

“I really like you, Adam.” His face is pained, like that physically hurt to admit.

It kills Adam. Makes his chest feel like it has been cracked open.

He continues. “I’ve gone through a lot of shit. I’ve done worse shit.” He swallows. “But I don’t hate myself so much anymore to think I deserve _this_.”

And there goes his heart.

“It’s your choice, Adam. You can’t have me when you already have her.”

\- Ronan -

Three days goes by.

Gansey comes back from a study session. He mentions that Adam seemed a little distant, like his mind was elsewhere. Very unusual of him.

Ronan shrugs and says it’s not his problem. Gansey frowns.

A week goes by. Ronan has not heard from Adam. He accepts his rejection with a bottle of whiskey.

Another week. Another study session. This time Gansey mentions that Adam seemed more himself. 

“He told me he broke up with his girlfriend. That’s why he’s been out of it. Trying to ‘figure stuff out’ he said.”

Ronan doesn’t respond. He disappears from the apartment and stays out all night.

Four days later, Adam shows up at his doorstep, soaked from the rain like a character out of _The Notebook._

\- Adam -

Seconds go by and Ronan stares wide eyed. Adam shivers, a drop of rain running down the back of his neck.

“Parrish—“

“I want to start over.” Adam blurts out. “I wanna make—I _want_ to do this right.”

“This?”

“Us.”

Ronan steps back, gesturing for Adam to come in. While Adam slips off his soaked shoes, Ronan heads towards the living room. He starts to follow when…

“Get lost Gansey.”

Adam stops in the doorway to the living room. Gansey is sitting on the floor between the couch and the coffee table. He’s completely surrounded by notebooks and textbooks. He’s looking up at Ronan with confusion.

“What?” Gansey turns when Adam appears. “Adam?”

He looks even more confused.

“Bye, Dick!”

Gansey hold up his hands in a placating manner before he gets up off the floor. Both Ronan and Adam wait silently until he leaves. When the apartment door clicks shut, Ronan turns away into his room and comes out with a towel. He throws it at Adam as he walks into the kitchen. Adam hears the clang of the kettle on the stove burner as he rubs water out of his hair. When he lowers the towel Ronan is leaning on the kitchen door jamb with his arms crossed.

“So talk.”

Polite and elegant as always.

“You said I had to chose.” He lifts and drops a shoulder, “I made my choice.”

“You don’t think you’ll change your mind?”

“No.”

Ronan is not the easy option. Adam has no delusions that he is. Ronan comes with his own issues and baggage. He has admitted that he is still working on things. Adam knows there will be some difficult days but he won’t have to hide his difficult days either. He won’t have to walk around on eggshells or dance around topics. Ronan won’t look at him with pity. Ronan sees everything Adam is and still wants him. Hopefully. Ronan technically hasn’t accepted Adam’s offer.

“I mean it Ronan. I want us to work. We can start over. We can take things slower—“

Ronan scoffs, “I’m monogamous not a prude, Parrish.”

“I—“ Adam lets his arms hang in defeat by his sides. “I’ll do whatever you want.”

The water in the kettle starts to roar, close to boiling.

Ronan nods towards his room. “You should grab some dry clothes.” 

He steps back into the kitchen. Cabinets open and close. Adam goes into Ronan’s room. He’s never been in here before. Was never invited in. It’s neater than he thought it would be. There’s still clothes on the floor spilling out of the closet. Scraps of paper on the floor surrounding a birdcage. The bed isn’t made. Piles of crumpled receipts, empty soda cans, and candy wrappers on top of the dresser. He has two floating shelves on the wall completely filled with books. They’re in alphabetical order by author’s name. Adam is surprised they are organized at all. He’s charmed. He opens the drawers of Ronan’s dresser to find a shirt. Pulling one on he decides to just wear the pair of sweatpants that were haphazardly thrown across the end of the bed. Dressed in all black he heads back to the kitchen.

From the doorway he watches Ronan stirring a mug. Tiny marshmallows swirl in the vortex. 

“Hot chocolate?”

Ronan shrugs. “Last I checked you were cutting down on coffee and we don’t keep a stock of tea.” He hands Adam the mug. 

“So what do you say?”

To Adam’s delight, Ronan smiles, though it’s small. 

“It would be pretty shitty of me to turn you down after you show up at my door soaked to the bone trying to catch your death.”

“Yeah, it would. I’d still like a clear yes or no though.”

“Yes, Parrish.” He rolls his eyes. “I’ll go out with you. Happy?”

Adam huffs a laugh, “Very, but that’s not what I asked.”

“Sweet Jesus.” 

Adam is still laughing when Ronan takes the mug out of his hand and pulls him closer by the shirt. Kissing Ronan now is familiar and still thrilling. His hands are warm on his face. It’s over much sooner than Adam would like. Ronan presses their foreheads together.

“I don’t want to start over. There is no right or wrong way to this. We will make this work. And there’s not a chance in hell we’re slowing down.” 

Adam’s heart might pound out of his chest. He goes in to kiss him again. Ronan pulls back.

“However. If I don’t let Gansey come back tonight to study for his exam tomorrow he will ground me and take away my PlayStation.”

“Not the PlayStation!” Adam gasps, knowing full well Ronan doesn’t even own a single gaming console.

“So whatever filthy thoughts you’re having,” he leans in again and kisses Adam deep and slow. “Save them for tomorrow.”

“This feels like torture.”

“Just drink your cocoa.”

Ronan steps away to grab his phone to give Gansey the green light to come back. Adam takes his lukewarm mug and goes to sit on the couch. 

He definitely made the right choice.

**Author's Note:**

> I feel like the whole thing is a little choppy but I could only look at this for so long. Hope you enjoyed :)


End file.
